“Fourteen” Episode 8, Port Arthur
21st January 2010, in all blog posts, the fourteen diaries (0 Comments)
Death comes to Australian TV in a big way. Rolling coverage does nothing to help Jack, 14, process the enormity of loss. Meanwhile, he still can’t bring himself to join the band at school, even though Jin has all the lyrics and all the names. All Jack has to do it turn up. What’s holding him back? Another episode from Jack’s real diaries from 1996.
29 April 1996
I don’t know what to write. I can’t relate to one person killing 35 people yesterday. I’m detached. I can’t think. It’s like another figure, like they have on TV, or in America. I can’t feel it. I’m watching all of it go on and on. A mad gunman in Port Arthur ate lunch in peace at the kiosk, then went inside with a sports bag, got out a semi-automatic rifle (whatever the hell that is), and systematically shot everyone in the kiosk, then moved to a coach and the boom gates, killing more, taking a hostage to a hotel where he took the two elderly owners as hostages too, continually shooting at the police, until he burned down the cottage and ran out, the hostages dead inside. He was taken to hospital, the same hospital as some of his wounded victims.
I don’t know. A man, unprovoked, killed 35 innocent people. A man shot a woman holding her baby, and then, turning around, shot a 6-year-old running for the cover of trees. He didn’t make it.
A man holding such power in his hands. If I was responsible for fixing his wounds, I don’t think I could. To see this man, the thought of helping him, the man who took all those lives with the pull of a trigger. To see this small, small man.
Interview, after interview. Insight after special exclusive. Tasteless. What would he be thinking? What would he say?
Now all my problems seem so insignificant. I can’t relate to death. It’s never happened to any one close to me before. I hope it never does.
It’s all very blank.
Gun laws are questioned. Dealing with the mentally ill is questioned.
God, where were you when this person, this person who entered your world, where were you when two adults got together to create this person in one moment of pleasure? Why did you create the world if you knew this would happen?
God, where were you when this man picked up that sports bag and entered that kiosk? Where the fuck were you? You let that piece of shit murder all those people. I don’t care about original sin crap. I want to know why. Just why.
I went into that kiosk. Dad bought us ice creams where now the bodies and blood of victims stain the floor. We went through those boom gates. I had my picture taken acting stupidly like a soldier, near the isle of trees where there are now blankets.
Why, God. Why.
To: Jack (whom girlz chaseth if they’re not blind)
From: Jin
Warning: The following material may offend the reader considerably. If your emotions are fragile, look away now!
30 April 1996
Okay. So you need to sort out your life, you’re not coping. Life is depression you say. Mental overload, you say. Sorry, but this is real BULL. How can you complain about your life? You’ve got looks, attitude, brains, you’re a real chick magnet. I just don’t understand where all this depression is coming from.
You want to see a tight schedule? Try living with me for a week. And what’s more, I’ve got nothing. No-thing. No looks, no brains. Not even an attitude. But this is not a pity contest, so I’ll move on. All those lyrics I gave you? I’ll tell you something. They’re not meaningless. They’re all about me. They all spew forth from my perception of the world and everyday occurrences. Every one of them.
It’s not worth getting upset over what others have done. If Adrian and Zach pay you out, fuck them. Seriously. Hang out with me and more Year 10s. They don’t deserve you. You’re way better than that. Being depressed over the wrong in the world won’t make the wrong right, nor will being depressed over the bad people in the world make the bad good. No one can stop you being depressed except yourself. But you don’t deserve to feel this way, because you’re not a loser. As for the existence of evil, you have to clear your mind and see that it’s not your fault. You’re not the one to blame, so stop thinking about it that way. For as it is said in Hamlet:
There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.
You know what I like about you? You are the people person. You have a wide circle of friends when you think about it, who all care about what you have done for them. You’re always there to laugh. You force those who meet you to react.
It’s building up here. Okay. Here goes. You need to appreciate what you have. I’ll say it again, you’ve got everything. Looks, brains, you know the deal. Learn to appreciate it, rather than drowning yourslef in self-pity. Because I made that mistake, and now I’ve got nothing left. Ka-boom!
I’ll tell you something. I’m going to start our band soon any way. When you feel ready, you can join it, and change it or whatever. Looking forward to that time. Let’s bring back the happy Jack I met in science in Year 8. Or die trying.
Write back mister.
Jin
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